Father's Love

Dear Papa, Sudah lebih dari 7 tahun, bahkan hampir 8 tahun Papa pulang ke rumah Bapa di surga. Ada begitu banyak hal yang terjadi sejak Papa tiada. Kami sedih dan kehilangan. Kami kesulitan dan kekurangan. Namun kami tidak pernah ditinggalkan. Tuhan, Allah Immanuel, menyertai kami.

S etahun terakhir, saya mendengar dan menyaksikan secara langsung 4 kisah pertunangan yang tidak berhasil lanjut sampai ke pelaminan. Seorang teman berkata, “Ngeri juga ya. Aku jadi takut.” Namun saya menguatkan hati dengan penuh kepercayaan kepada Tuhan. Berhasil atau tidaknya pertunangan saya, bukankah Tuhan tetap memegang kendali? When God is in control, what is there to be afraid of? He was, is, and will always be with us. Photo by Huffington Post Pasangan yang kelihatannya sudah pasti akan menikah bisa tiba-tiba putus hubungan. Semua vendor bisa di- cancel walaupun persiapan pernikahan telah matang. Gosip pun beredar. Air mata tercurah. Hidup makin terasa pahit dan sulit untuk dijalani. Bagaimana kita bisa menjalani hari-hari menanggung rasa sakit dan malu?

Yesterday I helped my roommate to pack up her things. She moved out for a happiness. Tomorrow will be her wedding day! I had been excited until she left. I looked around my room and felt loss. For the second time in my life, on the same date, April 28, I have to let someone go. On April 28, three years ago, I lost my dad but life must go on. I missed him and I miss him. But what could I do?  On July 2013, I moved to Palembang and started to have a new roommate. We were not close at the beginning, but as the days went by, we got closer and became best friend. I was blessed to have her by my side. However, I could not have her as my roommate for forever, right? Now she is tying the knot. Time flies really fast. People walk in and out in our lives. I wonder when will I lose someone again. Soon or later, no one will stay forever by my side. But The Lord was, is, and will always be with me. When I moved out from my house to go to college, He was with me. When I went to othe...

Time keeps going. Two years has passed since I lost my dad and I feel thankful today. I woke up quite early this morning and had more time to pray and lift up praises. These twenty four past months, The Lord has been so faithful. I tried to count on The Lord's blessings, guidance, provisions, and answers along these two years. There were soooooooo much from the Lord that if I could give thanks for each matter, I would be late to work today. Hehehe...

I thought these twelve months were enough to accept this lost. Although there was almost no tears for these last few months, I found myself was in a deep sorrow when the date turned to be April 28. So it was and is still hurt for me to lost my dad. Even I found myself could not stop to cry. Nothing and no one could help, just like in the song that the people sang a year ago to comfort us: Tak satupun dapat menghiburku Tak seorangpun dapat menolongku Hanya Yesus jawaban hidupku (No one could comfort me No one could help me Only Jesus, the answer of my life)

Papa, Cece bersyukur Pa, ada 22,5 tahun bisa mengenal Papa. Lebih dari dua puluh tahun merasakan kasih seorang Papa adalah berkat dari Tuhan.  Seharusnya tadi pagi Cece telepon dan bilang, "Happy Birthday, Papa! Cece sayang Papa! Panjang umur ya. Tuhan berkati." Tapi itu tidak terjadi.  Seharusnya hari ini Papa merayakan ultah Papa yang ke-59 dengan suatu ucapan syukur, tapi itu tidak terjadi. Sekarang sudah hampir 7 bulan berlalu tanpa Papa. Hidup tidak pernah sama lagi tanpa Papa. Tahun lalu, saat Cece kangen Papa, kita bisa teleponan, ngomong-ngomong via skype..... Lalu di bulan Desember, Cece melihat Papa menjemput di bandara Juanda.... Tapi tahun ini berbeda. Suka tidak suka, hari-hari tanpa Papa menjadi bulan-bulan tanpa Papa.... Bulan-bulan tanpa Papa akan menjadi tahun-tahun tanpa Papa....

It has been four months becoming a fatherless. Somehow it just hard to accept this reality. If you read my previous posts about this lost, you might think of how strong I am. I tell you that I am not. Instead, I still cannot accept this reality. Even I have been asking to God, "Why?" Why should Papa passed away, God? Do you not know that I still need him?  But God does not explain. And it hurts me when I read in the Bible that those who respect and love their parents would live longer on earth. I saw how was my father respected and loved my grandmother. I also heard that my father was the one who faithfully take care of my grandfather before he passed away (at that time, Papa was 18 years old). Papa was so obedient to God's command in honoring his parents. But he did not live long. He passed away a month before I graduated.

Kalo diinget-inget lagi saat-saat pertama ketika Papa meninggal, ada banyak hal-hal kecil yang luar biasa Tuhan kerjakan. Terbukti Tuhan kita itu setia, tidak ada perkara yang terlalu kecil untuk Dia.

I'm sorry for your lost... Air mataku tidak bisa tidak mengalir saat menyadari betapa Tuhan juga turut merasakan dukaku kehilangan seorang Papa. Aku bersyukur Alkitab mencatat bahwa Yesus menangis dengan sedihnya saat Lazarus meninggal dunia. Jadi kita bisa yakin dan percaya bahwa Tuhan sungguh-sungguh merasakan duka yang kita rasakan.

Tuesday, May 28, 2013. I supposed to be excited because on May 31, 2013 I would be commissioned as a Christian teacher. My family and relatives would come, but someone is missing. My dad would not be able to see me graduated and commissioned. Family photo would be weird because he already passed away. So what is the meaning of my graduation?

Death often comes without any warning. I experienced it on Sunday night, April 28, 2013. Suddenly, I became fatherless. Suddenly I lost my father. There was no goodbye.