Saturday, February 16, 2013

When God Exposing Myself

Today is the forth-day of lent and it's going hard for me. It is hard to keep my eyes focus on Jesus. It is getting harder to wake up at 5 AM in the morning to have time alone with God. A lot of things distracting my mind and heart. Now I'm experiencing what it means to be exposed. It's not good, it's painful. It's like someone tears down your clothes and let you be naked in public. And God really exposing my life, my ugliness, and who I am as a sinner.

Last Sunday I took an article that the Resource Team in our church has made. That's about observing the lenten season. One 'R' about the lenten season is REPENTANCE. It is written that in the lenten season, self-examination is crucial. As we reflect on the cross, it should expose our pride, our self-sufficiency, and our disobedience. I really feel that God's exposing my pride, my self-sufficiency, and my disobedience.

I remember on Friday morning I went to the counseling center and found that it was so hard and painful when the darkness side of my life should be exposed. It is clear for me that I have a big issue of insecurity. My counselor also said that no one wants to see his/her ugliness. No one wants to be exposed, because it is so painful. Last night someone told me something that made me feel hurt and judged. It was so hard. This morning I tried my best to avoid meeting with this person to protect myself from being hurt, exposed, and judged.

About 30 minutes before I wrote this post, I met a sister, my accountability partner. We shared our struggles and pain in our hearts. We know we were and are sinners. It was and is hard for both of us to humble ourselves, to confess that we were so proud. I am so thankful to the LORD, every time I remember her. As we talked, I felt that the Holy Spirit led us. He led us to realize that when sins increase, the grace is more. No one can accept sinners like us as Jesus Christ does. No man ever loved us like Jesus Christ.

We are in our journey to have a daily repentance and daily reconciliation with God. We are in our journey to keep our eyes focus to the LORD. We are in our journey to find who we are in Christ. As we get closer to the LORD, the spritual battle is getting heavier. Let us pray for one another to keep our focus on Jesus, to keep reflecting on the suffering, death, and resurrection of our Savior Jesus Christ.

Yes, our hearts issue need to be addresed, but let us keep in our minds that Jesus is at the center. Praise Him. Exalt Him. Seek Him first, then our eyes can see how His mighty hands work in our lives, transforming us. Be still for God is our healer, the salvation comes from Him!

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